I just can't.  I end up getting so pissed off at the theater, it ruins the whole experience for me.  I swear.  People should have to get a license to go out and interact with society.  Now maybe I wouldn't pass that test and get a license, but at least then I'd have a good reason to shut myself off and be a hermit before I hurt someone.

The next person that talks on their cell phone near me during the movie is having his or her cell phone thrown at the screen.

The next person that puts his fucking feet on the back of my chair, repeatedly, during the movie, is going to lose an appendage.

People.  Go to the bathroom before going into the theater.  Plan accordingly.  If it's a long movie...don't drink anything.  Get your popcorn early.

And who are these people that think it's acceptable to walk into the theater 10 minutes after the movie, not the previews mind you, but the movie has started?  STOP DISRUPTING MY MOVIE VIEWING.

No.  There is nothing so important that you need to answer your cell phone during the theater.  If you are on call, put it on vibrate, and if it is the office, leave quietly and talk.  You should have planned ahead since you knew you might get a call and sat toward the front, on the end of a row, so as to cause as little disruption as possible.

If your wife is about to go into labor...DON'T GO TO THE MOVIES YOU SELFISH SON OF A BITCH.  Go be with your wife.

Yes, I realize there are emergencies.  Leave the theater and talk.  Don't do so right in front of me.

And yes, Amazing Kreskin, that guy will turn out to be the killer.  The rest of us figured that out THIRTY MINUTES AGO.  Shut up about it.  You are only showing the rest of us what an idiot you are.

And seriously, who in the hell brings babies to a movie?  Babies can't shut up for 2 straight hours.  That's a fact.  And who are these parents that bring their 10 year old kid to Exorcist: Beginnings?  They should be shot.

Jeremy posted his summer movie recall.  Interesting.  I think I'll do the same.  Just remember the memory of these movies may be tainted at how I am STILL PISSED from every movie experience I had this summer.

The Day After Tomorrow:  Not bad.  Not good.  Standard fare from the Director of Independence Day.  Effects were worth seeing on big screen.  Plot a little shaky, but at least it was quasi-plausible, unlike, say, The Core.  Chinese people behind me talking the whole time.

Mean Girls: Didn't see it in the theater.  Saw it on the plane last week.  Don't even get me started.

Shrek 2:  Good.  Did not live up to the hype, but since the Matrix sequels, I've learned to better manage my expectations.  Was enjoyable.  Annoying kids talking during movie.  Memo to me:  Go see kid-friendly movies late at night.

Van Helsing:  Pure, unfiltered, shit.  What a shitty movie.  Wanted my 8 bucks back.  Even the effects weren't worth it.  Annoying white guy with unreasonable amount of bling around neck kept taking phone calls.  Finally started getting up and leaving theater when calls came in, bling made more noise than he did when navigating stairs.

I, Robot:  I enjoyed this.  Yes, it was off the plot a bit.  So what.  It's a movie.  I learned long ago to not expect the movie to live up to the book.  And I love the subtle comedy that Will Smith can bring to any situation with the right facial expression or sarcastic comment.  Also, don't remember being too pissed off during this.  Couple people talking, but I can live with that.

Spiderman 2:  It was okay, but the plot didn't do it for me.  Left a lot to be desired.

The Village:  Well, what can I say about this?  Predictable, mundane, lot of unrealized potential.  Pretty much Signs with a spin on the classic Utopia story.  But hey, it still didn't suck as bad as Unbreakable.  That's something.

Exorcist: Beginnings:  Well, clearly not in the same class as the original.  But not wholly disappointing either.  Picked up the game in the last quarter of the movie when I had all but given up on it being anything more than cheap gore effects.  All in all, not displeased that I saw this.  The high-school kids talking on the phone in the row in front of me, and the asshat in the Paul Pierce jersey constantly kicking my seat behind me, however, coupled with a crying baby and being dumbfounded at the people who brought their kids to this of all movies, severely diminished my moviegoing pleasure.

Okay, so maybe it's rant and rave day at Tales from the SharpSide.