Heather, I know you've been waiting for some more marketing stuff... ;)

Local television advertising absolutely kills me.  I don't get it at all.  I really don't.  The commercials are always very, very, very badly done.  I just saw one that literally made me stop what I was doing, and stare in awe and wonderment about who could have thought this was a good idea.  Let me recap:

We have, here in little ol' Ocala, FL, a very big and powerful pawn shop called Jerry's Pawn and Gun.  Everyone knows Jerry's.  That's where you go if you want a gun and some camo so you can continue being a redneck (I hate where I live btw...).  Now Jerry's has advertised on the television in the past, usually the "come on down to Jerry's pawn and gun, the cameraman will now pan my merchandise for you" variety.  This stuff I don't have a problem with.  It's basic product positioning advertising, nobody's trying to hard...there's not a plot or anything, just "hey, look at the stuff I have, you buy now".

This commercial, however, featured a semi-hot chick, Jerry, and another semi-hot chick (these are locals, btw...I recognized one of the SHCs).  Jerry and SHC#1 were behind the counter, kinda...dancing...I guess.  There was a backbeat.  SHC#2 then begins to...wait for it...rap.  Yes.  Rap.  Bad rap.  Terrible 30-something white-girl working at a pawn shop rap.

So immediately  I think of what?  The "Noah's Arcade" commercial scene from Wayne's World.  "Come bust a move where the games are played it's chill, it's fresh it's Noah's Arcade.  Word".  Yes...I remember it.

This was the worst, I mean worst, commercial idea I have ever seen.  She was rapping!  About pawned goods!  And then...there was some remix action in the middle...omg...I wanted to slice off my ears and gouge out my eyes for just having seen and heard it.

That's not all.  There's a local pizza joint that has plotline advertising on TV.  Two guys sitting ostensibly watching tv, "man I'm hungry".  "yeah, let's get some 5-star".  2 seconds pass.  *ding dong*.  "Wow that was fast".  "Fastest delivery in town".  The thing is, they had employees acting it.  They weren't good.  At all.

There's too many more to talk about.  Maybe this doesn't happen everywhere.  Maybe it's only hick towns like this.  I know when I lived in Boston, there was local advertising of course, but it consisted of members of the Red Sox, Bruins, Patriots, or Celtics doing product pitches.  That's cool.  Use the local talent.  No plotlines.  Please God, no more local TV advertising plotlines.

Why would you do that to your business?  And I know what they are doing...they write the commercials themselves.  Listen, my advice, keep making pizza or selling guns to hillbillies.  A writer you ain't.

Now there's another one that bothers me too, and I mean really bothers me.  I can think of a few, but I am really annoyed at this one instance of this phenomenon.  The local company with a national market that...advertises locally.  The one in particular is a company that runs a website where you send in your old cell phones and they give you money for them.  cellforcash.com is the link if you have old cell phones.  Now why, oh why, would you waste your advertising budget on cable TV ads in Ocala, population a couple hundred thousand.  And they have a kiosk in the mall here.  Just here.  What's the point?  Clearly purchasing used cell phones is a national if not international market.  And they do get national business.  So why waste that money?  And I do think it's a waste.  Why not roll that money into something more national...Google Adwords or something, and pull from the larger pool?  Keep the kiosk in the mall if you want, to make sure you are getting customers from your back yard...but the commercial?

And the commercial is poorly done.  The protagonist is hot, big rack (sorry for the chauvinism ladies...) but the writing and direction are poor.  The commercial has the vibe of "New and improved cleaning product!" meets "Pay your bills with a credit consolidation loan!".   All voiceover, action pauses, before and after shots, and so on.  Barf!

Someone please tell me why either of these commercials is a good idea...I'm listening.